They say time heals everything, but I'm still waiting.

"Fool me once, shame on you;
Fool me twice, shame on me."

I Guess The Other Side Of The Coin

I don't like to whine, yet I catch myself whining all the time.

I caught myself whining today and got really annoyed with myself.

And this is what I caught myself thinking after my dumb whinging moment.

I AM THANKFUL...

For the Alarm goes off in the morning, it means I"m alive.
For All the emails I receive each day, it just means that I have friends and family who think of me in places far away and near.
For aching muscles at the end of the day, b/c it means I have been capable of working hard.
For the pile of laundry I have in my dorm, b/c it means I have clothes to wear.

See, bah I'm getting annoyed with myself just writing this, b/c I have no reason to whine.

SHOUT OUT

Today feels like a good day to blog. And so today, I would like to take some time to honor my (best) friend! 
Denise Mattoon Greene (SHOUT OUT) 

Denise doesn't look at my blog unless I ask her too,  But I think she deserves her own post regardless. Touche, my awesome friend.


Denise is the most confident person I know. Rightfully so.

 She is the only person who understands when I am miserable.

Denise is the most driven person I know.

Denise is the most honest person I know.

Denise is the most genuine & authentic person I know.

Denise loves the Lord harder than anyone that I have ever met. and it's beautiful to watch her live out her spiritual walk through life! 

Denise is faithful to call me out on sin. Though it's hard at times to hear it, she knows it's only because she sees more in me. "tough love"

Denise can work out forever and doesn’t get tired. It's a bag of tits!! 

Denise likes to dance. Its super silly! I love it. WE can do the most crazy, un - normal dance moves and not care what anyone else thinks. I love it. 

Denise is funny. And fun.

Denise pisses me off and can make me madder than most anyone. It's because she knows me too well. :) 

Denise is the most spontaneous person I know. 

Denise is my best friend. The one friend I have who when she says “I understand” I know that she really does.

Anyways, thanks to you Denise for being “my person” when no one ever understands…which is constantly. Thanks for keeping it real.  Thanks for telling me to shut up when I need to shut up. Thanks for helping me out in working out, no matter how whiny I get. Thanks for making me more spontaneous that I really am. :) Thanks for being dorky with me! Thanks for letting me spill my guts to you and loving me the same. Thanks for making me feel like I am loved. Thanks for speaking truth into my life. Thanks for your brutal honesty. Thanks for always making me laugh. Thanks for letting me stay the night whenever I want....on the couch. :D Thanks for seeing me for what I can be instead of what I am today. Thanks for basically everything.

In all honestly, I am so blessed by you and so incredibly thankful for your role in my life. I would not be who I am or where I am without your amazing accountability. You taught me what it means to be a REAL friend. I can never express enough gratitude to the God who made you exactly as you are. 

Never Tip-Toe <3 

OH and one more thing!!! 

Only Best friends can look this good! :) 

Experience in Honduras during SPring Break!

I journaled daily while I was in Tegucigalpa, Honduras during spring break and I thought I'd start off by just posting what all the Lord showed me there. That way you can have a glimpse of my heart. 


March 12
I'm about to take off from Atlanta to our final destination to Honduras. The guy i'm sitting by is super funny. I'm getting so excited for what the Lord is going to do through us. I know He has gone before us and is preparing the hearts of everyone we'll meet. The scripture where Jesus said He did not come to be served but to serve keeps returning to my thoughts. Mark 10:45 if i'm not mistaking. That should be the purpose of my life-to serve wholeheartedly, expecting nothing in return. Praying that God will show me how to have the heart of a servant.

As I look out the window of the plane, I see a sea of clouds-God is so beautiful! He reminds me how big He is and how I am nothing compared to His glory, and it is AWESOME! Man on Man, I'm so excited! 

March 13

Today, we went to a church that was kind of small with a lot of people. Everyone kept sitting by their friends and groups, but I didn't wan to do that. So, I sat with random people from the church. It was awesome! This little girl didn't have a spot to sit so she sat on my lap. SHe was so precious!! Hearing them sing to the Lord, was super humbling. It was a blessing for me to go to that church! The way the people worshipped really touched me. How often do we see people DANCING for the Lord in our churches? Never! These people were free and very focused. I want to go before the Lord just like they do! 

March 14, 

Built a house today. Wow! Humbling. 

March 15

Today, we built another house. I started the day getting sick. I don't get sick much at all, and I was really sad I got sick on a mission trip. I didn't know what God was doing with this, but then I found out... I went to this one house 5 times to use their restroom. They realized I got sick and took care of me. They gave me this medicine that healed me super fast.  They were so sweet. They were two young girls. Their mom and grandma were sitting down on the couch the whole time, so I decided after the second time using their bathroom, to say hi. and They gave me a huge hug every time I walked in. They were so so so sweet! I was very honored to meet this family. Very hospitable. about 1 pm I finally got a little better, still wasn't feeling good, but I needed to fight it, so I gave my all helping Westarks group finish the house. I'm glad I did. It was awesome! So, Because I got sick, I got a chance to meet an amazing family that I consider my family now, and I will never forget them! 

March 16

When we built our last house of the trip, it was a lot different then the other houses we came in contact with. We had to tear parts down and then rebuild them. It was hard, but really fun. I started to help out a lot the first half of the day. and then I decided to get to know the kids who were playing soccer. They all made me laugh so hard. They were so sweet and funny! They kept asking me questions and then we danced a little bit, and played some games. I'm not good with kids, I guess, but today was really fun getting to play with the kids today! I also got to get to know Samuel, the preacher who helped us find the lady who needed her house fixed. He was something else. He kept telling me he wanted to change things, but he kept being in control instead of listening to God to talk. He was super blunt with me, so I finally had to say my peace, and he started to cry, because no one has ever told him some of the things I said before. It was really cool experience, but really hard too. God totally took control of our talk. It was amazing to experience. 

March 17

"THE DUMP" That's where we went. I didn't know what to expect, but my heart kept telling me to be fearless today. SO I wrote fearless on my arm. So, finally after a 20 minute drive, we get there. I couldn't believe what my eyes saw. It was the lowest of the low. I couldn't believe it. It's a HUGE area where Trashmen throw the trash there and SO many people live there. That's there home. It was so smelly, dusty, full of trash. and that's where people get their clothes, food, and other things they find. Its a dump. Birds were flying around as well. It broke my heart. I couldn't believe this even existed in this world. So, when we get there, I jump in a truck where it's full of food and start to feed the people. More things happened today, but What I saw was God's protection, and believe it or not, I saw hope. I had kids come up to me and goof around with me at the Dump, and teen age girls who just needed a hug, to know that there's hope. I finally understand what God meant when he said " Go sell all your possessions and give to the poor." When I get back in the states, it's time I live that verse out. Luke 18. 

March 18

Today, we went to Breaking Chains where we paint the place, and later that night we helped feed people from ages 18 - 35 pretty much. It was very uncomfortable, which I honestly liked. Most of them if not all had HIV, but I wasn't afraid to give them a hug, or shake their hand, or have hand shakes with a few of them. I met a guy who was super drunk, but I know He felt loved, the way he was smiling, and his tone. I met a prostitute who didn't want to do anythign with me, I don't know if it's because we were the same age and looked alike, or because she felt ashamed. I was sad I couldn't connect with her, but I had to trust God that He would take care of the situation, so I met two kids ages 18 and 19 who I taught how to do this hand game and I showed them the moon walk. They don't like Michael Jackson. hahahaha but they were impressed with my Moonwalk skills. :) haha So, I decided that I didn't want to be in the room anymore, so I walked outside, which I wasn't supposed to, but I was by the door, so our group could see me still. I look at the left of me and see this girl pouring this deal into a zip lock bag that looked like honey. I was mistaken. It was some kind of glue, and she huffed and puffed it hard core, and got high really fast. and then got up and took a few steps and a car already stopped at her and asked her to get in. SHe was a prostitute as well. I'm not gonna lie, I started to cry. I couldn't believe my eyes. I was too slow to do anything. I know GOd's watching over here though. I just know He is. bah! 

March 19 

Last full day. YUCK! So funny story, God knows I dont' like kids or I get uncomfortable when I'm around them. I don't know why that is though. Still trying to figure that out. Anyway, even though He knew that he decided to put VBS all day. WE had to help set it up first half of the day. I got to help do that, but I also got to meet the Moms and grandparents there. They were so cute and sweet. I liked making them laugh and helping them see how beautiful they are. Anyway,  Today, I was a group leader which I was so scared to be. SO instead of thinking about my own feelings, I decided to have total confidence in God, and he totally spoke through me and made so many kids laugh. Every time we we switch to a different section, I would have like 3 kids holding one of my hands and 2 on the other and kids holding me from the back and front. It was hard to walk, but I wouldn't change it for the world. I got to see a glimpse of what Jesus saw when he talked to the children. I got to see the gentleness the Lord, through the kids today. After VBS was over I couldn't help but to cry again... hahaha I had a kid who wouldn't let me go, and then others were crying because we had to leave. It was heart breaking. But I know God was shown in them through today! Today was really hard to say goodbye. 

That night... Christano, and Jonas were two men me and Julia came in contact with. We talked to them for about an hour and then had to say our goodbyes. Chrstiano gave me his bracelete which was so sweet. It says " Jesus loves you" Anyway, after our goodbyes like an hour later, he comes by our door and he gives me a heart that says, I will never forget you. How precious?? ahh! Jonas watched from a distance and kept chanting kiss kiss. hahaha but I didn't want to for a few reasons. :) I will for sure keep in touch with them though! 

March 20

This has been one of those weeks where I've stood in amazement, and then fell at the feet of Jesus in surrender. I know God has been preparing me for this week my whole life and I am so passionate about these people, and I had been even before I met a single one of them. So here I am now, ending the trip, but beginning this journey that God has laid out before me. In so many ways this past week the Lord has shown me a lot about myself, but more importantly, about HIMSELF! He blew me away! The wind here at the Baxter's Institute, was amazing. It's the kind of wind you feel, see, and even hear! That's what the Holy Spirit did for me this week! I could feel it in each and every house we went in and prayed over. I could feel it in the small, precious hands I held while playing games. I could feel it at the dump where we fed many and even sang a song. This has been a HUGE week! Not only for the people in Honduras, but for my relationship with the kids here, my relationship with the Westark crew, but ESPECIALLY my relationship with my Savior! The Lord has changed my perspective completely and made my purpose more clear! He showed me that HE IS WORTH IT!!!!! 

Not living for people.

WHO CARES. 

The Choice Is Yours

Why bring people down, when you can help them soar?

"She has crooked teeth"
- I've never met someone to pay a whole lot of money to wear braces for fun.

"She has a big nose"
-Who cares? Sorry was that too harsh for you that I just said that? WHO CARES.

"Her hair is frizzy"
-Why fry your hair when you can have the natural God given hair?

"She wears glasses"
- Do you honestly think it's fun or enjoyable to be half blind? I don't think so!

"She's not a size zero"
-Some people can't control their weight.
AND P.S. Size zero is not a size. :) I"m just saying!

Basically what i'm trying to say is...

IMPERFECTION IS SO SO BEAUTIFUL!

I've dealt with image problems since the 8th grade and recently overcoming it. It's hard when people judge you and tell you that "curvy = fatty" or "too short" or "Please change your image" or "The girls on the magazines is how you're supposed to look like."etc...
Why not just accept the person that you are? Confidence and Attitude towards yourself I guarantee you is 90% of your beauty. I"m not good at math by all means, but I still think it's 90%. :) Watch and you'll see.

S0, if you've ever been hurt by hard words like the examples I gave you, I'm sorry!
Let's get real though. People don't define you. Nor does Magazines.
You can let it define you, but deep down that's not what defines you.
What defines you is your attitude. actions. thoughts. and Jesus! :)

So be confident in who you are or continue to let the world define you.
The (choice) is YOURS!

---------> SO SO TRUE! ahh I really this quote!

Ghostly Presence

I don't understand why you keep popping up randomly in my mind. Please get out.
You don't want me. I understand. it's okay. We have different paths. Just one question....
PLEASE quit haunting me with your presence. IT's not a funny game.
-Em

I admit that I really miss how things used to be,
BUT
I also admit that i've accepted the fact that things changed.

It just bothers me that you randomly haunt me.
At least respect me in this. Thanks.

Let's not say a word, tonight.

Let's just go to sleep.

Peace. 

Love. 

DREAM BIG :) 

Obsessed with Tights and Sweatshirts - I think So!

I'm a unique girl who isn't afraid to wear tights and a sweatshirt in public.

Most def a reason to be happy!

This is me.
Fearfully and Wonderfully Made.
:)

My I's. His Eye's. :)

So, I've been challenged a lot this week. I know it's God's silly purpose so i'm down with it. :) 

The main thing i've gotten out of all of the things that have been hitting me is this.... 

- If Christians purpose is to be like everyone else in this dark world, then Jesus Seriously failed oh so miserably. Right? 

Last week I was kind of in this dark whole that I just couldn't seem to find the exit door to. Wanna know why? Because I was too worried about making Teachers, Parents, Friends, worldly things happy. But doing that just made me empty and warn out. I became weak. I was exhausted. 

This week, I decided to get a fresh clean Bible and decided to make it personal. That has helped me a lot growing closer to God, and Challenging my mind, actions, and thoughts. 

Although I have been only pleasing God and ONLY wanting His approval on stuff this week it doesn't' mean things got easier. because let's face it, it only made it harder. because Satan attacks those who are walking with Christ. Satan doesn't' care if I talk to Jesus as long as it's tomorrow. (Lame) How funny is it to think that satan thinks he's won. hahaha oh man. LAME!! 

So, I've had to have my total shield of Faith on. Satan has hit me a few times that made a hole through my shield, but thankfully I have a God who can put the pieces back together! :) 

The whole point of this blog is to say, I will NEVER be content with this world. It just leaves me empty. 

If you feel the same way, walk with God and His people. 

My deal now... 


When it comes to my spiritual sight, I want my eyes to be permanently stuck. 
I don't' want to be cross - eyed anymore. Even though I use to wear bifocals. 


---------> SEEEEEEE HAHA 

I'm going to look at all things through the lens of the cross from now on, and I pray my eyes stay that way. "Give me your Eyes" Have you heard that song? It's amazing! 


I want to see my world, my pain, my joy, my screw-ups, my desires, my broken plans, my calling, through one thing: the marvelous, cross of Christ. Not of this worlds approval. 




----> Change. Impact. Love. Seek. Hear. Listen. Believe. 

Tonight

I will rest in the thought that You're watching over me, all I need is You. :) 

Sweet Dreams World. Or should I say FINE DON'T DREAM. bah. (Frustration much) 

World, When will love be the thing you reflect? (Thanks DaGreene) 

Take my hand and we'll walk through these storms together BECAUSE 

LOVE = Heals 

LOVE = Protects 

LOVE = Completes 

LOVE = Leads 

LOVE = Watches 

LOVE = Overcomes 

Jump with me? Love won't bite, Love won't fail you, Love won't BETRAY you, love won't discourage you. 

No Crosses Count

I feel like you’re just another broken promise. 

Cheers To Being A Virgin!

I recently had a break up with my boy friend. Sucks. I know. It happens though.
But my purpose of this post isn't to share about the situation. Its to brag. I know I can be selfish sometimes, but I'm honestly proud of it. Plus you never know if he's actually the one... You just NEVER know. Crrrrazy! I guess I never really understood why it's so important to keep your virginity until you're married, until this break up happened.  I've always heard "never have sex till marriage" or "God Said don't"  blah blah blah, but now (I) fully understand. Being pure isn't all about sex though. Its only 10 percent. I learned that at my girls devo we have every Tuesday night. :D

Anyway,

Being a virgin in this day and age is something to be proud of. It's sort of like being a unicorn? haha

So, If you have waited until you are married, or still waiting until you're married, or if you have had sex, and have given it up to God, and letting him forgive you, and waiting until you're married.

------->  Cheers. To. You.  :)

Dear World

Dear World, 


Wake The EFF Up... 


It's [Almost] Too Late! 

It's A New Day for New Thoughts. Actions. Motives.

"With the new day comes new strength and new thoughts."
--Eleanor Roosevelt